but [as selfish as this sounds] i don't know whether i'm more upset about his loss of faith or that i could be him in the near future.
although i think it's a combination of both.
it makes me really sad because honestly (and this is just me being open and frank because that's what blogs are for, right?), i think that maybe he left (and i use the term "left" because it feels like he has departed and moved on to another place, although his physical being remains in the same area) less because of God and more because of our church...
or maybe he's just been through too much.
i wish i could see the future
and i wish that i could know for certain that i'd still have my faith
but even now, i'm maybe 10% as passionate about God as i was half a year ago. (basically since i retore my acl.)
i hope this isn't a constantly decreasing sort of function.
like y = -x.
because eventually, you hit rock bottom. and you don't resurface. you just keep falling deeper and deeper into the negatives.
but then again, maybe it takes hitting rock bottom to find your way back up.
like y = |x|. (<-- absolute value function)
steady decrease till 0, and then an increase to infinity.
i guess time will tell.
and yes, i actually drew you guys a diagram...haha
edit: while rereading this post, i realized that it could be argued that the point (0,0) isn't rock bottom, but rather the beginning / where it all started / no knowledge whatsoever. it is, after all, the point of origin.
i guess a better graph for what i'm trying to say would be f(x)=|x|-14 or something, over the interval (0,infinity).
i'd graph it out but it's 3:25 AM. so i shall just do it later.
HAHAHAH wow i am such a nerd.
double-edit: but ^that would mean that i started out with knowledge at birth...which i didn't. OMG this is so frustrating. I AM GOING TO COME UP WITH A FUNCTION TO REPRESENT WHAT I WANT TO SAY.
..eventually.
...i'm going to bed.
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