love (among human beings) does not last. human hearts are fickle and indecisive and the word "forever" is ambiguous. people hurt but heal, get attached but learn to move on. the question is whether you would rather love and be hurt, or never love at all and live forever behind a glass wall, with eye contact as the only possible link between your heart and another.
i am afraid i will spend my entire life looking for that perfect someone, only to realize that i passed them by in my stupid quest for this stupid idea of a perfect romance.
and yet i am afraid i will settle complacently, telling myself "this is as good as it's going to get," rather than have the strength to know that i deserve better.
i know that i am much too young to even worry or care about these things
but high school is where you are supposed to experiment with these things to figure out what you want.
but i don't want a meaningless relationship just for the sake of having a relationship.
and yet, i know it's much too much to expect anything deeper than shallow attraction at this age. (15, in case you were wondering..)
and hell, how are you supposed to know what you want if you don't even know who you are. which i don't.
but i do know that i want to find love
don't we all?
i want children, a career, a beautiful house, a beautiful life
i want it all.
damn american dream.
and i know that all people stress over these kinds of things
but i wonder if i think about such issues a little TOO much
i wish i could live in the moment
stop and smell the flowers and enjoy the view, and all that jazz
instead my mind is always
always
always
on the past
or thinking of the future
i feel like i need a good, deep soul-cleanse.
i need to be purified.
i need to calm down.
i need to control my emotions
i need to manage the storm brewing inside my chest
i need to stop ranting on this blog whenever the mood strikes.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I think that love lasts. It just depends on what kind of love you're looking for. Please don't apologize for wanting more, and most definitely don't apologize for expressing your feelings. I really do hope that you realize just how important of an individual you are, and that no matter how insignificant your life may seem, its only greatly significant in the eyes of God. I won't say, "Stay strong", but please don't lose hope. I love you just that much and it breaks my heart you feel this way, because I understand all too well.
life is so tricky. but just so you know, you're not alone. most high school kids think about this stuff all the time, yes, and there's nothing wrong with waiting, as long as you're happy. so be happy, because if you're truly not, do something different. -not so
Post a Comment