Dec 25, 2008

christ-mas

today should be one of joy.
but mostly i feel depressed. and guilty. and ashamed that i let my worldly problems keep me from rejoicing in the birth of christ. what is wrong with me?
this sounds horribly materialistic, but i miss shopping. i havent been since october. maybe it doesnt seem like too long, but i'm young. a week is equivalent to forever. (fyi the reason i cant go shopping is because my physical therapist feels it might put strain on my knee. speaking of my knee, it's also preventing me from going to winter formal this year.)
then again, most of the things that i wanted for christmas this year can't be bought. i know that sounds perhaps almost a bit profound (maybe profound's not the right word. but i'm too lazy to think of another one), but it entails shallow things too. for example, i want arms and legs free of eczema and hair. this probably wont ever happen though.
i want to stop fighting with my parents and sister all the time. i want a friend who understands me for who i am, and not only accepts me but loves me for it. it'd be even better if this friend was male. and asian. (what can i say, i go for asians. yeah yeah i'm racist, whatever. stfu)

idk i feel like a stranger to the world. not just in the christian way, either. but i feel as though my mind is running on a different frequency than everyone around me. sortof like bella, from twilight. although i doubt anyone even close to edward cullen or jacob black will ever fall for me.

sjdlfkjskdfjskdjf okay sorry for all the angst. must be the hormones. turning 14 in 5 days! cool.
happy holidays <3

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