fluorescence

sometimes i take on small, pointless projects.
like taking photo-blurs of the lights hanging above my window and photoshopping them. and then posting them here .


i love my butterfly lanterns and christmas lights (:




my desktop:

(^click)

chapped lips & bruised hips

^ the downsides of playing alto sax.
that's about it, though. (:

belated pictures of the newport tournament (at estancia high):




SWEEPSTAKES!
for those of you non-bandos, sweepstakes is basically winning the entire tournament. it's above first place.

yeah. feel inferior.
(:

ingenuity

this guy (look him up on youtube--"fagottron") makes music clips/videos with sounds recorded from movies.

alice in wonderland:


harry potter 1 & 2:

i am a wimp.

i have come to realize how easily scared i am [of pain and other things] in the past few days.

today (or yesterday, since it's 1 AM) i had to have 3 cavities filled :(
i asked them not to numb me.
after going through 3 knee surgeries involving somewhat painful insertion of IVs into my left hand, suffice to say that i cringe at the sight of needles/shots.
but after working on my teeth for about 20 min., with me clutching my hands together in a death grip because of the stinging of the drilling into my teeth, the dentist finally gave up and told me that she was going to numb me anyway.
and it didn't even hurt. i felt a tiny bit of pressure, and it was over.

knotts scary farm sunday night! my first time there.
probably around half of IUSD was present (a result of the 3-day weekend).
i had funnel cake for the first time. :9 so good. omg.
but i actually cried when a monster wouldn't leave me alone.
(and mind you, i was freaking out over the monsters just walking around the park. there is no way in hell i would/will ever go into a maze.)
i mean, i KNOW that they're just regular people wearing gruesome masks.
and i know you're not supposed to act afraid and/or run away.
but i did anyway :P
i am such a weenie.
oh well.
monsters aside, i had a lot of fun.

introspection

i was looking through my hard drive and found this image that i'd saved ages ago.
i've been thinking a lot lately about how much things change.
just within the past few months, i went from incredibly depressed (as in, crying every day) to somewhat happy and fulfilled, to fluctuating between the two.

still struggling with my faith at times, but i recently had a conversation with one of my friends on the importance of QT and keeping each other accountable. and that night i read my Bible before sleeping (: for the first time in a while. getting back into the habit is going to be tough. but thank youuu pk <3


words to live by.

both of these are from postsecret btw.
funny, isn't it, how the thoughts of strangers can reflect yours exactly.
i am amazed and infinitely grateful that i am not the only person in the world that feels the way i do. (because it often seems like i'm alone in my thoughts.)

i aspire to inspire.

so this past sunday at church, the pastor's sister-in-law shared her experiences in serving and ministrating for the last 30 years in cambodia and thailand.
i was both amazed at her heart and faith, and saddened by some of her accounts of the developing world. when she went on to talk about a tsunami a few years back (i'm so ignorant, i'm not really sure which one..), my heart went out to not only the victims of the tsunami, but the survivors as well...i couldn't imagine being the only one left of my entire family.
but anyways, all this made me realize that i want to be there for those people. i want to be a part of the movement that helps those in need. i want to be able to physically and spiritually touch those that are suffering. i want to be able to pray with them & for them.

i dunno though, missions aren't for everyone...

i guess in time we'll see.
i am still 14, after all.
but for now i suppose i should start on a smaller scale. instead of pushing too far into the future, i should focus my sights on first ministering to my peers / the people around me. or, even before that, improving myself...i, as a person, could use quite a bit of work. hah

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." - Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

patrons of the arts

over this

i'm sick and tired of

school
people
putting more effort into friendships than they're worth.. i'm so tired of giving much more than i ever receive.
not putting enough effort into things because i don't have the energy to do so
my music...someone burn me a cd
missing church because i'm too busy or too tired
feeling so distant from god
family issues, although they're getting better
being insecure and caring about what i eat
averaging about 4 hours of sleep per night
feeling like there's only maybe 2 people in the world that i fully trust and love
knee pains
not being the best at anything
not being able to run/jump/bike/play sports
having my time wasted at school because there are stupid people in honors classes
teachers who don't know what they're talking about

etc etc etc



oh well
that's life

it's not often that you get a spectacular sky from a suburban street

the view from my house friday evening